Put your phone away.

I have been struggling with this for a while now. I often feel like a Luddite, someone out of touch with the world when I say to my son, "Put your phone away. Be HERE. Have an actual experience, not a virtual one." But last night helped me clarify why I hate the phones so much and why I think they're destroying the experiences of kids and adults alike.

Last night we were at a bowling alley. We were there to bowl, and we were eating first. At the table there was a kids' end of the table and a grown-ups' side. And the three teenagers who had phones were all on their phones, kind of together, looking over each other's shoulders at something interesting that someone else had sent to them, or something funny on the internet, or something-- something other than the thing that they were actually doing.  This is the where the first prickly of annoyance came in. The second wave of annoyance was that younger son, who has no phone was completely left out of this experience, because the things that they were receiving and sending we not appropriate for him. So, he was left out, eating his burger, watching the TV and reading the advertisements on the wall. He's an easy kid, and didn't complain, but he was both physically and emotionally shut out of that part of the evening.

But then, there was a bigger catalyst for my dislike of the whole "phone as appendage" state of our lives. Son #1, who has been struggling with making friends at school, received a text at 9 PM, telling him to come to a party. He was invited to a party. Right then. And he wanted to go. He asked if he could go? And I said "No." And I was the Bad Mother. And the wheedling began: "Why can't I go? It's not too late. We'll be done here before 10:30. Why can't I go?" And, like parents everywhere who have not had time to crystalize their thoughts about a particular subject, but are instead going on their spidey sense, was reduced to saying some variation of "Because I said so." It wasn't exactly what I said, but it had the same ring to it. "Because we're doing THIS right now." ("Yeah, but this will be over soon and I really want to go.") And the reality is if you get sucked into the rabbit hole of what SEEMS like logic, then you are completely lost. So, we're left with "Just. No. You can't go do that tonight. If we had planned to go to a party, then that would be different, but we planned to do THIS. And we're doing THIS."

And in reality, that IS the crux of what's wrong with kids having cell phones with them all the time. they're never just doing THIS- they're always on the lookout for something better, something more compelling, more interesting. And what that leaves me, and everyone else with, is a feeling of "not good enough", not interesting enough, a second choice or worse, a last resort. And this is the problem with technology that surrounds us.  It's the feeling you get when you're at a party and in the middle of telling what you think is a funny story, and you see the listener's eyes drift past you to the door, where a really hot person has just walked in, sucking all the oxygen out of the room. You lose. You're judged, and found lacking.  That feeling sucks. And now, it's with these young people ALL THE TIME. There's constantly something more interesting,  or the thought that there might be something more interesting on a different website. And so they never really pay attention to the person right next to them, but interact with them by showing them what's more interesting than THEM, on this little screen.  It's hollow, and disappointing, and self perpetuating.

So, here's my proposal. I would like parents to confiscate the phones for an evening, when there is something actual going on, over the idea that something virtual is more interesting than what's happening right here, right now. Can they do it? Can WE do it? Be present in the moment? Have an actual experience, not a virtual experience?  Let's try it.

Thanksgiving!

We do Thanksgiving every year, except for the last 2 when we were either in A. Hungary or B. just back and renting a small apartment. But this year, we were back to Tradition. We had a Big group. It was going so well- everyone was having a good time and then, suddenly it wasn't so much fun anymore. Nephew B was asked to back my mother's Brand New Car out of the driveway. I didn't think he had been drinking (hadn't been here long enough, I thought)  He did it at high speed, crashing my mother's car into my brother in law's car, damaging them both. Really??? WTH?  Big Downer. Did I mention that my mother's last new car was bought in 1995. Yep. It took her 18 years to buy a new car, and him 18 seconds to trash it. My brother was mad at me for letting him drive her car. Really? He's 25 years old! I said, "It's not like I let N drive!" N is 14. He said "I would have done a better job, Mom.  You got that right....

sigh.

Summer Vacation

Going to lower my expectations and post when I can.
Summer Vacation is Definitely a great Thing to Have Done.

Crooked Street in San Francisco

Playing with kelp.

Whale Bones are BIG!

Self timer pics are fun!

Outrigger canoe trip from Mendicino was really fun, but hard on the way back when the tide had turned.

Coit Tower San Francisco WPA Public Art projects

Need a Babysitter-- again

So bummed.
Ben, the 20-something, not-great-but-has-a-car-and-is-pretty-dependable except that he forgets sometimes, is-- um-- done. He has new classes starting next week and has no time for babysitting. I'm back to square one. Crapola. It's my own fault really. I had this lovely fantasy that I wouldn't have to work so much when we got back and that I could pick #2 at school every day. I forgot the part about having a job that requires travel sometimes... Clearly delusional. It was a nice fantasy. But now, it's over.

Zombie Apocalypse

We went to Walden Pond yesterday for a hike around the pond. I'm always so surprised (and pleased) when I see that not Everyone in the greater metro area goes to the mall the day after Christmas. It was a beautiful day, but way too warm for December 26th. But it made the walk around the pond pleasant.

There was one area that was frozen over, and so the kids got to throw rocks and ice chunks on the ice, a time honored tradition passed from father to son for ages. There's almost nothing so satisfying as the sound it makes when a rock skids across the ice, sending an almost metalic chinking noise up to your ears. 

The kids were asking about Henry David Thoreau and why he moved to the woods. How strange it seems to us, looking back, that he would think there were a lot of distractions in life then. They loved the replica of the house, and thought it if had a bathroom it would be perfect. Then it morphed into talk of how Thoreau's house would have been well set up to withstand the Zombie Apocalypse. As we walked around the pond, I tried to shut my ears and distance myself from N's chatter about how he would have to board up the windows, because it would be too hard to defend both windows and the door, but if he boarded the windows then he could defend the door. The need for an inside bathroom came up again during this part of the discussion. I mentioned how beautiful the light was, slanting across the lake and through the trees. N mentioned how if HD Thoreau had some type of semiautomatic weapon, and a year supply of canned goods, and a lot of wood, he'd have made it through for sure. I mentioned that it was really peaceful and lovely. N mentioned that because it was isolated, maybe the zombies would have concentrated on the town, where there were sure to me more victims. I told him that he'd be better off noticing the nature and talking less about the zombies.... He caught the hint. Then we got to the train tracks, and he was off on another tangent, talking about how cool he was to be able to walk on train tracks. There was a long sigh line in both directions, and we were all together, but I warned him in the time honored way all parents do-- by telling him the most horrible story I knew about people being killed on train tracks, because- as the old saying goes- you can't tell which way the train runs by looking at the tracks.

The kind of mother I am

I'm the kind of mother who lets this kind of thing happen. In fact, I'm the kind of mother who likes this kind of stuff.

Here we are at my company Christmas party, lighting gin on fire. That was fun. And educational. "No kids, beer won't burn because it doesn't have a high enough alcohol content." And "proof" is just another name for the amount of alcohol- 80 proof is 40% alcohol."

See? Educational.

I had to talk the bartender into giving me a shot- she said they had to serve it on ice, due to some catering law. I told her it was for scientific research and the melting ice would make the alcohol too dilute to light on fire. "Oh-- um..... okay, I guess." So, off we went to burn the stuff. The experiments ended when my son dripped the burning alcohol on the tablecloth and lit the table up. It was short lived though, and no one was hurt.
Phew!
That was good, huh?
Pretty blue color too.